Your nervous system is constantly picking up signals from the world around you. It notices the tone of someone’s voice, their body language, emotions, mood, and the way they respond to life.

That’s why there are some people you can simply be yourself around. You relax, breathe more easily, and don’t feel the need to control or anticipate anything.

You are perfectly comfortable whilst together in silence. Their calmness helps you feel calm, too.

But there are other relationships where you unconsciously find yourself constantly on alert.

You notice every change in someone’s mood, think carefully about what to say so you don’t create tension, try to make them feel better, or take responsibility for the atmosphere around you.

Sometimes, you don’t even realize you’re doing it. Nothing dramatic has happened. There hasn’t been an argument or any hurtful words.

Yet, when you get home, you feel completely drained, as if someone has pulled the plug on your energy. So, what can you do about it?

Start paying attention to how you feel.

Notice how you feel after spending time with different people. Do you feel calmer, happier, and more like yourself? Or do you feel tense, irritated, and emotionally drained?

You don’t need to judge anyone. Just stop ignoring your own feelings.

Don’t plan your day around other people.

If you know that certain interactions are emotionally demanding, leave yourself some time to rest afterwards. You don’t have to rush straight into your next responsibility as if your own well-being doesn’t matter.

You can love someone and still have boundaries.

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You can shorten a visit, say no to another get-together, or choose not to be available every time someone needs your attention. Being close to someone doesn’t mean they have unlimited access to your time and energy.

Reconnect

Before entering a challenging situation, take a moment to reconnect with yourself.

Pause for a moment. Take a few slow, deep breaths. Feel your body and notice how you’re feeling. You don’t have to take on every bit of tension around you.

You can stay grounded and connected to yourself, even when someone around you is experiencing difficult emotions.

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