When our vehicle runs out of fuel, we stop but it’s hardly the end of the world. When an aircraft runs out of fuel it is the end of our world.

News that a diverted airliner limped from Alicante to Valencia Airport on empty tanks hardly inspires confidence in air service procedures.

Airports are notorious for cock-ups. Last week I awaited my son’s arrival at the airport but there was no indication as to which terminal his plane would land on. The helpful ladies at the easyJet desk explained; with fifteen minutes to go the pilot didn’t know either.

Michael did arrive safely but without his suitcase: It had been overlooked and was still at Liverpool Airport. Wearing his travel clothes, the poor young man was hardly the epitome of sartorial elegance at the posh restaurant that evening.

Are You Sitting Comfortably?

On departure, his plane was delayed as they were unable to find a pilot. The 140-minute flight, including check-in, where sharp practice is the norm, took nine hours.

Excuse me! These guys are looking after our welfare and security? Are you still wondering why there are so few tourists here?

The cattle pens they call airports are places where sheeple are hustled from one queue to another. They are interrogated, checked; and robbed of their dignity, their aftershave and their knitting needles.

Yet the airport authorities systematically fail on their own security. It was recently discovered that illegal immigrants, free of vetting, work at UK airports; even in the Home Office itself.  

Robotic Functionaries

In airports, you are processed from one unsmiling robotic functionary to another. As in a penitentiary you are given a number, scrutinised, placed under constant surveillance and processed through the system. Typically, you’re in the airport longer than you are in the air.

Even a government minister, hardly renowned for their powers of reasoning, pointed out that airport security actually creates tempting targets.

On an earlier occasion, we had chosen to travel by Brittany Ferries; a liner-sized super ferry. With a little over an hour to departure, we shook our heads. There was no way it could leave on time as hundreds of vehicles were waiting to embark as were foot passengers. Suddenly the barrier lifted and within that hour all were on board and away we sailed. Security was hardly in evidence at all. I gather terrorists can’t sink ferries.

It’s the same with train journeys. Security was hardly in evidence; no queues, a refreshing lack of po-faced functionaries; and we arrive with our luggage on time. What is it about airport procedures that dent my confidence?

Aircraft Pilots, Please Note: The only time you have too much fuel is when your aircraft is on fire. Let’s look on the bright side: Mankind has a perfect record in aviation. It has never left one up there. STORIES GOOD ENOUGH TO SHARE

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