SPECIMEN CHAPTER OF THE BAWDIEST ROMANTIC COMEDY EVER: ‘Perhaps you are not aware that here in Spain, Germany and other countries too brothels and prostitution are perfectly legal. It is all tightly controlled but what isn’t regulated these days?

Our two cathouses are registered brothels. The boys and the girls are checked constantly and there are no health or resident issues.’

Tiffany went on to say that Spain’s sex industry thrived even under tight regulation.

‘Spain, as you might know, is dubbed the ‘brothel of Europe’ and not without good reason.’

‘But you said the brothels were yours,’ smiled Gareth whose interest had perked up at the direction the conversation was taking.

‘Yes, Gareth, they are mine. I also have one just outside Los Abrazos. In appearance, it is a small hotel and restaurant of the best possible taste I might add. The casual visitor isn’t even aware of the extra services including our very popular massage service.’

As Tiffany’s voice tailed off, Leonora and Felicity suddenly looked at Gareth who smiled and rolled his eyes.

‘You really must visit us before you return to Britain. Did you say your flight was on Friday?’

‘You mean we really must visit your brothel, Tiffany,’ asked an incredulous Leonora.

Felicity was hanging on to every word as the conversation made its uncertain way across the tablecloth of La Herradura Restaurant’s bountiful table.

‘Yes, if you wish to visit the nightclub why not? I am sure my girls would love to meet you.  I had it in mind that you visit Dauphine’s. My hotel and restaurant are less obvious as to their purpose.

Meson de Dauphine is quite a popular watering hole and is situated adjacent to one of our golf courses. Yes, you must come so we’ll arrange something for you before you catch your flights home.’

‘Maybe a visit to your bordello too,’ smiled Gareth.

‘I don’t think we have the time for that,’ pouted Leonora as her attention returned to Tiffany’s invitation for them to visit Dauphine’s Hotel and Restaurant.

Tiffany was ever so pleased that she and Pegasus would be entertaining their guests before they completed their holiday. An arrangement was made and it was decided that an evening towards the end of their holiday would be ideal.

‘Yes,’ Tiffany beamed. ‘I remember you said you were hoteliers too. Oh, isn’t it lovely? We have so much in common.’

‘But we never had a brothel,’ smiled Leonora who was increasingly apprehensive at the prospect of visiting what Felicity had correctly described as a whorehouse. Never had it occurred to the curvaceous blonde that she would ever be invited to visit a brothel, even one that was discreet.

‘Well, you’re welcome to visit mine, Leonora. You won’t see much of a difference between my hotel and yours.’

If the comeback irked Leonora the sophisticated self-assured blonde never allowed a shadow to fall across her pretty face. She even held her tongue when Tiffany, who that evening appeared to lack the skills of diplomacy, reminded her friends that they were likely now making more money out of their arranged romantic encounters at The Dovetails than she was at Dauphine’s.

‘Oh, we all know what goes on behind the closed doors of hotel rooms. There’s only the difference between money vs. love changing hands.’

‘By the way,’ Tiffany continued. ‘I might put my businesses on the market. I’ll tell you about it sometime. There is quite a story behind the reason for the sale. I will so miss our loyal staff and the girls and boys too, of course.’

‘Tell me about it,’ Felicity said. ‘We hated leaving our staff when we sold The Dovetails Hotel. We regarded our employees as partners in the business, didn’t we Leonora, didn’t we, Gareth?

Gareth was stroking his chin and for reasons no one cared to fathom out, he enquired as to the name of Tiffany’s brothel which like all brothels in Spain was described as a nightclub.

A challenging smile broadened on their acquaintance’s face. After placing her near-empty glass on the table, Tiffany asked the novelist if he was familiar with public house entertainment quizzes.

‘Oh, the pub quizzes,’ Leonora smiled whimsically. ‘It’s a long time since I enjoyed one of them.’

‘Then let’s have one this evening,’ Tiffany laughed. ‘Gareth asked the question so let’s see if you can answer it.

What do you think is the name of my other romantic hotel, my nightclub, Gareth? I don’t mean Dauphine’s. I mean my other place, the open all-hours whorehouse.’

Leonora who was clueless at mind games frowned. Gareth was thinking hard. Felicity had not the foggiest idea what Tiffany’s nightclub might be named. Felicity simply didn’t like pub quizzes or any other kind of quiz.

The pretty little thing thought that day-to-day routine each with its unpredictable challenges was quiz enough for everyone.

Gareth was the first to hazard a wild guess. ‘The Costa is famous for its golf courses, isn’t it?

‘Yes, it is, Gareth. Perhaps you have the answer but what on earth has a golf club got to do with a nightclub dear?’

Screwing his lips up, the novelist suggested that as many clients were likely to be golfing enthusiasts then ‘A Hole in One’ might be a good name for Tiffany’s brothel.

‘My goodness, that was a good try,’ laughed Leonora.

‘One in a hole,’ suggested Felicity who was inspired by Gareth’s suggestion.

Tiffany shook her head and she did again just as Leonora offered the name, Cheeky Chica’s.

‘Leonora, that is wonderful, thank you.’

‘You mean I got it right, Tiffany?’

‘No. but it is a lovely name idea. Well done, you.’

There was an expectant pause as the pixyish brunette pondered the question to the challenge.

Gareth, having considered the invitation to name Tiffany’s whorehouse thought, ‘Wham, Bam, Thank You, Ma’am’ might be a good name for a house of ill repute.

At this point, it might be remembered that Felicity had once been an actress. In appearance and mannerisms, the small brunette closely reminded one of Audrey Hepburn the renowned actress.

Furthermore, Felicity knew everything one needed to know about her favourite movie star’s movies.  Her favourite film was Breakfast at Tiffany’s so her new friend’s name had a special appeal to Felicity.

‘This is a wild guess,’ she smiled. ‘I think your club might be called Sex Fest at Tiffany’s.’

There were gasps of surprise at the novel idea of calling Tiffany’s brothel Sex Fest at Tiffany’s.  Felicity’s suggestion caused sighs of resignation as it brought home to them the weakness of their submissions.

All at the table turned their attention to Tiffany. There was a sharp intake of breath from the bordello owner and a delighted Gerome hand-clapped Felicity’s suggestion. Gareth and Leonora simply looked at each other as Felicity’s cheeky suggestion sank in.

‘Felicity, you are either a genius or you are a cheat,’ the delighted Tiffany screamed delightedly. ‘My club, my whorehouse is indeed called Sex Fest at Tiffany’s.’

Demurely, the diminutive Felicity held her tongue as Tiffany swivelled in her seat.

‘Felicity has got it right. My whorehouse is called Sex Fest at Tiffany’s.  How clever she is.’

Another bottle for the table was ordered and after la cuenta was settled by Tiffany a cab was ordered to return the party to their hotel. TELL US WHAT YOU THINK

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THE ENIGMA OF TIFFANY by award-winning novelist Michael Walsh is a thoroughly entertaining – occasionally bawdy but always romantic page-turning comedy. ‘I wasn’t able to put it down’ ~ Critic.

https://books.by/michael-walsh#the-enigma-of-tiffany