Imagine the scene; it is an upstairs bar and this is no gentleman’s club.  The night has been boisterous but the sailors and hangers-on have by now mostly evaporated into the night air. ME, I have other things on my mind. Gloria is a petite brunette who works in this club for the lowlife. Tiny, I have seen more meat on a butcher’s pencil but I am attracted to her. By way of small talk, I ask her what a bad girl like her is doing in a nice place like this? ‘I’m the bouncer,’ she purred winsomely.

As an aside, it wasn’t much but my smile was soon on the other side of my face. A few tables away was slumped a heavily built Scandinavian sailor. Excusing herself, Gloria tapped the truculent sailor on his shoulder and suggested it was time for him to go home. Her advice was met by an expression you don’t use in front of a lady even if she is no lady. Gloria, with a shove, sent the Scandinavian flying to the floor.

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In fairness to the sailor, he quickly recovered his wits and his feet after which he lunged at the bar girl. It all happened fast but I recall she again caught him off balance. Using his own weight and the element of surprise the slightly built girl propelled the huge Swede through the door. Unfortunately, this doorway was situated at the head of a steep flight of stairs. I leave the rest to the doormen and your imagination.

Those who target women are often physically unimpressive. Sadly, women rarely know their own strengths and this is a weakness that bullies exploit. The house cat that purrs on your knee likely weighs less than 4kg. If a cat has no wish to be held, I defy any man to hold the cat. The Americans have a saying, ‘It’s not the size of the dog in a fight it is the size of the fight in the dog’. It is true.

A woman, armed by nature, is potentially more terrifying than a Viking raiding party.  She has two feet for kicking or running. A woman has two knees, two elbows and two fists for punching. A woman has a set of teeth for biting, ten nails for gouging and a forehead for head-butting. A woman’s ear-piercing scream chills the bones of assailants. The last thing her attacker needs is his victim to attract attention. A verbal display of rage will make most men wilt. You don’t believe me? Watch the biggest of men cower when their mother-in-law opens her mouth.

Most women carry a Smartphone. Take a photograph of a potentially threatening person or ask a friend to do so. If a theoretically hostile person is photographed, he thinks twice. If you are in a secluded area, take a photo and then hurl the phone into the long grass. He will surrender to circumstance. You can find and recover it when it is light – so can the police if you are attacked.

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In her purse or pockets, a woman has a bunch of keys. Used as a knuckle-duster-cum-gouger there is no more terrifying weapon. A woman also has her debit/credit card.  Held firmly between her thumb and forefinger it will open up a man’s face better than will a kitchen knife. A woman has perhaps a pair of stiletto heels to hand. Such footwear is called a stiletto for a reason.

A rolled-up periodical used to jab an attacker’s face causes more damage than a man’s fist. This was a trick used by British Army troops when stationed in lawless Aden.  There is no law against a woman taking home from her night out with the girls a bottle of something for her nightcap. Grasp its neck, break the bottle and you have in your hand the cook’s kitchen department.

Forget a man’s balls. Place your two forefingers in a man’s nostrils and yank upwards and the assailant will scream in agony. Alternatively, while an attacker has his thumbs on her breasts a woman should place her thumbs in the marauder’s eye sockets and gouge.

The heel of a woman’s hand jabbed sharply upwards between an attacker’s upper lip and his nose will splinter the nasal bone and if driven upwards will pierce his brain; it can be lethal.  One last bit of advice, make sure this article is received and read by every female you value.